I'm currently sitting in a hotel room at the luxurious StudioPlus in Des Moines, IA and by luxurious I mean that I'm pretty sure it used to be a assisted living facility that someone thought would make a excellent extended stay hotel. It has the weirdest dimensions for a hotel room I've ever seen. And there is this random huge space in the middle that my parents have lovingly coined the "dance floor". Look at the picture if you think I'm exaggerating...
And yes, while in Des Moines, I'm staying with the rents. Can't beat the amenities that come complete with a personal chauffeur and the fact my mother is always trying to give me food so that I don't dare go hungry... well unless you weigh in the added stress levels of riding in the back seat as my father drives around a city he doesn't know with my mom acting as impromptu GPS... or that my dad gets more nervous than I do at big meets and usually is the bigger stressor than the meet itself, but overall I feel that once I make it to the meet, the stress is all downhill!
Meet Lonie and Norma
Believe it or not, my dad is actually behind that massive amount of facial hair. He grows it to mock me. The deal is that when I threw 18.50 he will trim it back to a man-size stache, but until then it remains. While there are many who think he will forever don the mammoth stache, I know it's days are numbered!
This is usually where someone would probably say something like 'I've gotten a lot of requests and emails asking for video of me lifting' or something exciting like that.. but this has not been requested.. not yet that is. I like to think I'm just anticipating the request of the masses to see me in action..Hey, a girl can dream can't she ;o)
I headed to Tucson a couple of weekends ago for my first outdoor meet… my first meet period in over 3 months. I had so many different emotions going through me and so many thoughts going through my head, but over all, for the first time in awhile, I was really excited about competing and seeing how far I could throw. The trip ended up being fantastic. I had the opportunity to spend some time with my parents who actually made the drive all the way from San Antonio!! They are so amazing and support me unconditionally! It was also really great to see my old training group (Loree, Kevin, Vikas and John). I felt good about my performance at the meet. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to get out there and throw farther, but with everything that has happened this year, I felt that it was a giant step in the right direction. My confidence in my training only grew stronger by my improvements in the ring. I had a season best of 17.04 on the second day of competition. It was actually a 2 season long best. I hadn’t throw 17 meters in competition since 2008(sad, but true) Now I know that the process of an injury is much more about the recovery of the mind more so than the physical side. I did feel I missed a big opportunity that day. I had not felt that much energy and that fresh in so long. Plus the addition of a pre competition Americano took me to another level.. Unfortunately, since I was not used to it, I could hardly contain myself. I was a wreck. Thankfully, I was able to start getting a hold of myself in the 3rd round, but I felt I learned a good lesson in getting to know my body in a high intense situation. I felt I had much more in the tank, but never quite was under control. It had certainly been way too long since I’d felt that way, but I am so very happy that the feeling was back!
It’s been 3 months since I came back to Texas and I could not ask for more in my training or from my coach, James Parman. He has helped me fight through some lingering injuries as well has help me get my form in the ring. My support system has been there right when I have needed them and I believe I would have gotten lost along the way some time ago if not for them. I know that great things are to come and I really look forward to the hard work that it will take. All the blood, sweat, and tears and the character building along the way!
One more note. I do have a life outside of the ring(believe it or not!). So I will share a bit of my recent adventures. Well, more so to brag about quite an accomplishment. Being the end of May/beginning of June, it is the season of graduations. I recently had a friend graduate(Lana) and could not think of what to get her for graduation to say 'job well done'… then suddenly I had it…. A FRUIT TART!!! Somehow this makes sense in my mind as a gift. So three hours later there it was….
The miracle you have just observed is 100% from scratch!!! I even went out and purchased a special 'tart' pan.. I didn't even know they existed, but now I'm a proud owner. Dont' ask me why I can spend 3 hours baking and be completely happy, yet spending 30 minutes cooking a meal is a chore! Of course I had to have assistance. Well, I think in the over all scheme of things I was more of the assistant to pastry chef extraordinaire, Leigh!
The last two years of my life have been amazing. Most times people would use that word to describe a time of their life when they are on top of the world and can’t seem to lose. A time filled with happiness and success. My last two years, however, have been nothing like that. They have been filled with disappointment, self doubt, embarrassment, and near self destruction. Even I find it funny that I would use that word, but I suppose I find a certain sense of beauty in the difficult road I’ve traveled.
It’s what I’ve learned from all the moments of self doubt that I find so purely beautiful. In the times I wanted to walk away from everything I’ve spent so much of my life pushing for. The frustration running so deep that I was scared I would never be able to climb out. The overwhelming hopeless feeling that I would never be able to get myself in order that felt like it had a permanent residence in my chest. But something kept be going. Sometimes I feel I never had a choice in terms of pursing my dream for the Olympics. There is something that pulls deep, deep inside me and keeps me going no matter how bad it gets. It has kept my dream alive even in my weakest hour. I always believed that I could still find a way to make it happen and that belief is grower stronger again for the first time in a long while. I now have even higher levels of expectations and goals. Not just to make teams, but to bring back medals to my country!
I feel a sense of invisibility. I feel battered and beaten, but I’m still on my feet and ready to give em hell. The sense of empowerment is hard to describe. I think that once you’ve hit the bottom, especially when it’s more than once, you aren’t as scared of all the 'what if’s' because you know that worst case scenario you are strong enough to fight back. And truth be told, things can always be worse. You find out what you are made of, what you can take, what you will take, and how much something really means to you. I feel that I’ve been stuck in the mud and this process has helped sift me out. Now what remains is my passion, my determination, and my clear vision. Nothing else really matters when it comes to self.
I’ve also found who really matters to me, those that stood by me when I was at some low moments of my life, those special people who have and will always believe in me. They mean the world to me. Then there are the others who I thought believed and supported me. Although I could feel the cold as they turned their backs and I lost their belief, it was those moments that I had to rely on myself and my own inner belief. Even though I had others around, I relied on myself for the first time and knew that I was able. I believe that is what has gotten me to this moment.
I recently realized that I needed to let go. I needed to let go of all the regret and stop the daydreaming of what if 2008 had ended differently. I’m finding it easier to say than do. Though I do describe this process as beautiful, it has been incredibly painful. It has been hard to let it go, but I feel that even the realization for the need for change has helped lead me to let it go. For the first time, I feel that I am on to a new chapter in my life. I feel that the bad times are behind me and I am excited to face this new chapter in training and in life. Recently I have found myself repeated this mantra to myself “Do not let fear dictate” meaning that no matter what happens the rest of my career and life, I will not allow fear take the lead, I will take the reigns and do what is in my heart. If I'm going for a heavy lift or need a big throw or just belief in myself, I will give everything I have and not be distracted by that little voice in my head asking if I can really do it. I may fall flat on my face or I may succeed, but either way I will have the pride in myself for going after it full force. Every time I say it, I can feel my confidence and determination grow. I will be in charge and will face fear head on. I will not be scared of failing, rather excited for the opportunity at hand. Someone once said that fear is present when the opportunity for something great is at stake. I see that there are two choices you can make. Focus on the fear and let it crush you or to use the fear to propel you to greatness. I choose to take my chance at the latter.
Well, it's that time of the year again. The day of my birth. Yes, it was 27 years ago yesterday that I came into this world. My mom says the first time she saw me I was sticking my tongue out and was clinching my hands into little fists. I think it was a very fitting first impression and my mom knew she was in store for a wild ride. I had a fantastic day yesterday thanks to my friends and family. It started off with a trip to my favorite place to have breakfast(best meal of the day!) and it included a slice of cake. It will be hard to not include a piece of cake to my regular breakfast routine, but then again I don't think I can train with the extra 100lbs I'm sure I'd gain. Some of my friends and a special someone arranged a group of us to go play sand volleyball and hang out and have some adult beverages. I have been known to be indifferent towards sand volleyball in the past. Probably because of the amount of activity that one has to exert to play. I was pleasantly surprised yesterday because it was a blast probably because my team kept winning ;o) Yes, the competitive side never sleeps! We then headed over to a friends and hung out by the pool. My day was made when I was given the opportunity to ride a cooler.. oh yes. You heard me. I rode a cooler! A motorized cooler complete with drink holder and handle bars!
I did test the limitations of the motor and there was a point in which my friend had to push me along since I ran the battery so low. I'm now thinking about asking my inventor father to build me a deluxe, gas powered cooler. I will keep you posted! It was an incredibly fantastic birthday and I appreciate all those who made it possible ;o)
In other news, it has been so nice to be back home and around friends and family. Training has been going very well and I have no complaints. It is so nice and comforting to be back on my old lifting program and training with James Parman once again. He is such a brilliant coach and I finally feel that with some of my newly gained maturity, our communication is where it needs to me to get me where I know I can be. I look forward to the next couple of weeks and will keep you updated with my progress!
Oh AND my birthday cake was lots of cupcakes from my favorite place of sweet treats Hey Cupcake!! AMAZING!
