Abby's Road

Welcome to Abby's Road
An insight into my journey to the 2012 Olympic Games

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Shedding light on the darkness within

I recently found myself watching Spiderman 3. Although there were some almost unbearable moments of cheese-o-rific nature, there was one thing that I took from that movie. One of the villains in the movie is a mutant substance/parasite which basically consumes the host and intensifies their negative emotion. It a black entity and it literally consumes the person physical. Initially it is a welcomed improvement to individual and they have a choice to have it on them or take it off, but eventually the power of it becomes too strong and wants to permanently attach the to host. The person loses touch with what is really them and what is the substance and they are eventually ruined.

I related to this concept as dark and bizzare as it may seem. It wasn't until later during that sleepless night that I realized why I related and what spoke to me. There have been some lows the past couple years. I have shared some of my feelings and emotions in other blogs about those experiences. The feeling of always getting the short end of the stick. With every situation that I perceive as a failure, I found a part of me lost. I have been chewing on the root of bitterness and expecting something to change or someone else to feel my pain. I'd always heard that saying that "Bitterness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." at the end of the day I was the only one suffering. The dark substance that helped me sort things out at the beginning of all of it that seemingly gave me strength to get through, that felt like a non failing friend had taken over somewhere along the way and was turning me into someone that I didn't recognize. Something that I didn't want to be. The more I searched, the more confused I became.

I see now that worrying or being mad at a situation does not give me any sort of control. It is and will always be what it is. Letting it all go opened up myself. I felt free and myself for the first time in years. So I will not give up on my dream and I know that making it this far with so many heartbreaking obstacles is not by chance. I can choose to make my own destiny. I will not let fear dictate my fate. I will no longer allow the darkness of fear and uncertainty transform me into someone else. I have all the skills I need inside to fine tune my physical ability. It is time to work and rediscover my passion free from anger, resentment, and a stagnant fear that had been covering my light with black. I have rediscovered my control center and the world is a much more hopeful place!

So my advice to  you is don't let your darkness keep you down and keep you away from your true self!

Refuse to be limited!
Abby

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