Misunderstood out of control

I've been under a misunderstanding. I thought that one day if I put enough hard work into training and if I was determined enough.. I would one day I would back to where I used to be. The problem I see with that idea is that I never will back to where I once was because I never can be. That does not come from some dopey depressed perspective. I am not who I was and never will be again. I am constantly evolving, as we all are. I have been through many things some good and some incredibly painful. I have been failing to take that into account in the equations for equality in my head . I have continued to try to beat myself back into the outline of who I once was rather than embracing and accept all the new and intricate things I now bring to the proverbial table.

You see I had struggled and struggled  and struggled with the idea that I had lost the drive I once had. I always felt my drive and determination were my biggest assets and the fundamental core strength in all that I trained for. I thought it had been cracked at the trials and had been leaking out ever since. I thought somewhere between here and then I had lost it. I could not see what was so glaringly obvious. I had never lost my drive. I had only lost control of it. It turned into over drive when I physically lost control to my goal. I literally drove myself out of control. I pushed the  line so hard that I pushed passed it. I had fought so hard to continue to get back to success that I spiraled out of control and just as I've seen on the space movies when the little astronaut man loses contact with the space ship, I was floating out into an abyss.

It wasn't until recently that I realize how far I had gone. I know I am in a much better place because now I can look back and see where I was and where I am now. I take all of it as a success. I successfully have gotten back on my feet. I have gotten back to a confidence I have not had in almost 3 years. As difficult as the path was, I regret nothing and I am simple more hungry for competition like never before. I have been roughed up and now I realized I am capable of much more so I fully welcome this 2011 season as a rebirth and a much needed revolution of self!

Happy training