The throw that wasn't

Well, there is so much I feel about Saturday and I find the words just don't seem to do is justice. I guess maybe to go back a bit and give a little more history would help paint a better picture of how I feel. As many of you probably know I completely changed training programs after indoors and went back to a program that I knew worked for me and my body. My first day back with James was March 15. I could tell by his disbelief in where I was physically and technically that it was going to take everything I had to pull this season around. I remember struggling and feeling so lost the first month or so. I could barely throw 15m with a 4k ball. All I kept hearing in my head was "what happened to me, how did it get this bad???" I was angry, hurt, scared, frustrated, but ultimately determined to turn it around. I knew if James had resurrected me and my throw once, he could and would do it again.

The second month showed signs of progress and moments of hope. Just enough moments of hope to keep be going but fleeting enough to keep me pushing harder. My distances began to increase and physically I began to feel explosive and athletic. Different things work for different people, but the simplicity and ingenuity of this program feels so perfect for complimenting both my strengths and weaknesses. I could feel the pressure of USA's looming on the back burner in my mind and knew that I had to continue to push. I knew that each day was critical and delicate to get me to where I know I was born to be. Having a 2 season long best at Tucson really got me fired up that great things could happen at USA's especially for how off I was from what I wanted to technically when I threw that 17m throw.

The 3rd month was a beautiful crescendo for me. FINALLY, after two years of fighting and working I was getting back to feelings in the ring and distances that I was at before I got hurt. I felt myself and that amazing liberation that comes from being in a throw. That flow that feels so effortless yet powerful and dynamic. I was in the right place doing the right things and it was just a matter of time and work before great things would/will happen.

Unfortunately, due to the major lack of repetitions a thrower needs to be able to hit a big throw at a big meet I was simply a casualty on Saturday. I mistimed my warm ups and started to technically fall apart throughout the meet. Although I showed moments in warm ups that it was going to be a good day, I was not able to hang on to it. It was the first time in several years that I had an almost meter better warm up throw than I did in actually competition. I think what hurt the most was that usually I can find something from somewhere inside and make it happen. Put one good throw together, but this time I fell short. I fully understand that I simply got too excited and had too much adrenaline and hadn't had the experience throughout the season to learn how to handle it. But MAN does this give me such a terrible taste in my mouth and in my soul. I think this is where we find ourselves. In the melting points, the ugly truths. This is what either breaks a person or makes a person. It's deciding how to handle and proceed with let downs like this. It's how a person chooses to respond and rise from it. To fully give every part of my life for 3 months and walk away with that distance associated with my names is very hard for me. Not to mention everything else I had gone through the first part of the season. James told me that in the long run this meet doesn't matter and that we are on to great things again and that to remember our ultimate goals. I still think it's funny how much a coach's words can do to help a situation and really remind of you the important things. I feel very clear and focused of what I want to and will do in the next 2-4 years of my career. I feel that for the first time I am ready mind, body and spirit.Watch out world because here I come!

Here I am at USA's with a T-shirt provided by the BEST cupcake 

place on the planet. HeyCupcake
The t-shirt reads
"CUPCAKES
The breakfast of Champions"