Dachumentary

Here's my very first documentary about my dog, Gus, competing in the Buda Wiener Racing Championships. Hope you enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4tNwyTGKAc

The last two years

The last two years of my life have been amazing. Most times people would use that word to describe a time of their life when they are on top of the world and can’t seem to lose. A time filled with happiness and success. My last two years, however, have been nothing like that. They have been filled with disappointment, self doubt, embarrassment, and near self destruction.  Even I find it funny that I would use that word, but I suppose I find a certain sense of beauty in the difficult road I’ve traveled.

It’s what I’ve learned from all the moments of self doubt that I find so purely beautiful. In the times I wanted to walk away from everything I’ve spent so much of my life pushing for. The frustration running so deep that I was scared I would never be able to climb out. The overwhelming hopeless feeling that I would never be able to get myself in order that felt like it had a permanent residence in my chest. But something kept be going. Sometimes I feel I never had a choice in terms of pursing my dream for the Olympics. There is something that pulls deep, deep inside me and keeps me going no matter how bad it gets. It has kept my dream alive even in my weakest hour. I always believed that I could still find a way to make it happen and that belief is grower stronger again for the first time in a long while. I now have even higher levels of expectations and goals. Not just to make teams, but to bring back medals to my country!

I feel a sense of invisibility. I feel battered and beaten, but I’m still on my feet and ready to give em hell. The sense of empowerment is hard to describe. I think that once you’ve hit the bottom, especially when it’s more than once, you aren’t as scared of all the 'what if’s' because you know that worst case scenario you are strong enough to fight back. And truth be told, things can always be worse. You find out what you are made of, what you can take, what you will take, and how much something really means to you. I feel that I’ve been stuck in the mud and this process has helped sift me out. Now what remains is my passion, my determination, and my clear vision. Nothing else really matters when it comes to self. 

I’ve also found who really matters to me, those that stood by me when I was at some low moments of my life, those special people who have and will always believe in me. They mean the world to me. Then there are the others who I thought believed and supported me. Although I could feel the cold as they turned their backs and I lost their belief, it was those moments that I had to rely on myself and my own inner belief. Even though I had others around, I relied on myself for the first time and knew that I was able. I believe that is what has gotten me to this moment.

I recently realized that I needed to let go. I needed to let go of all the regret and stop the daydreaming of what if 2008 had ended differently. I’m finding it easier to say than do. Though I do describe this process as beautiful, it has been incredibly painful. It has been hard to let it go, but I feel that even the realization for the need for change has helped lead me to let it go. For the first time, I feel that I am on to a new chapter in my life. I feel that the bad times are behind me and I am excited to face this new chapter in training and in life. Recently I have found myself repeated this mantra to myself “Do not let fear dictate” meaning that no matter what happens the rest of my career and life, I will not allow fear take the lead, I will take the reigns and do what is in my heart. If I'm going for a heavy lift or need a big throw or just belief in myself, I will give everything I have and not be distracted by that little voice in my head asking if I can really do it. I may fall flat on my face or I may succeed, but either way I will have the pride in myself for going after it full force. Every time I say it, I can feel my confidence and determination grow. I will be in charge and will face fear head on. I will not be scared of failing, rather excited for the opportunity at hand. Someone once said that fear is present when the opportunity for something great is at stake. I see that there are two choices you can make. Focus on the fear and let it crush you or to use the fear to propel you to greatness. I choose to take my chance at the latter. 

Happy training

Newest viral video!

So I have some free time last night. The following clip is the accumulation of brilliant ideas meeting opportunity!

Hope you enjoy this as much as I think you should

The 27th Year

Well, it's that time of the year again. The day of my birth. Yes, it was 27 years ago yesterday that I came into this world. My mom says the first time she saw me I was sticking my tongue out and was clinching my hands into little fists. I think it was a very fitting first impression and my mom knew she was in store for a wild ride. I had a fantastic day yesterday thanks to my friends and family. It started off with a trip to my favorite place to have breakfast(best meal of the day!) and it included a slice of cake. It will be hard to not include a piece of cake to my regular breakfast routine, but then again I don't think I can train with the extra 100lbs I'm sure I'd gain.  Some of my friends and a special someone arranged a group of us to go play sand volleyball and hang out and have some adult beverages. I have been known to be indifferent towards sand volleyball in the past. Probably because of the amount of activity that one has to exert to play. I was pleasantly surprised yesterday because it was a blast probably because my team kept winning ;o) Yes, the competitive side never sleeps! We then headed over to a friends and hung out by the pool. My day was made when I was given the opportunity to ride a cooler.. oh yes. You heard me. I rode a cooler! A motorized cooler complete with drink holder and handle bars!

I did test the limitations of the motor and there was a point in which my friend had to push me along since I ran the battery so low. I'm now thinking about asking my inventor father to build me a deluxe, gas powered cooler. I will keep you posted! It was an incredibly fantastic birthday and I appreciate all those who made it possible ;o)


In other news, it has been so nice to be back home and around friends and family. Training has been going very well and I have no complaints. It is so nice and comforting to be back on my old lifting program and training with James Parman once again. He is such a brilliant coach and I finally feel that with some of my newly gained maturity, our communication is where it needs to me to get me where I know I can be. I look forward to the next couple of weeks and will keep you updated with my progress!


Oh AND my birthday cake was lots of cupcakes from my favorite place of sweet treats Hey Cupcake!! AMAZING!

The looooonnng trip home

So, there I was at 8 30pm on a Monday night doing circles around the sky harbor airport trying to find heather, my bestie who had just flown the 1000 miles we were about to drive. After about 3 good laps, I finally saw her! I'm guessing I was pretty easy to find considering I was creeping along complete with u-haul in tow! I knew things were gonna be interesting because within seconds of heather entering the car she already broke something... see image below for proof of said occurrence!

So we set out on the open road of IH-10. No air blowing through out hair since it was cold outside and basically no scenery since it was night time. Heather had made some requests prior to the trip. The diva inside of her demanded  there be caffeine in the truck that should be handed to her as soon as she entered the truck. I decided to stop by the most favorite coffee shop my lil heart has ever known.. Lux coffee. I will spare you the gush fest of how much I adore this place... I picked up the necessary caffeine prior to picking up heather. About an hour into the drive all three drinks were consumed. I obviously participated since we were starting the trip close to what is my normal bedtime. By the time we got to In-n-out burger I was feeling really good and alert.  I consumed a burger... then I was sleepy. We filled up one last time with gas before we were really going to hit it hard(my paranoia for running out of gas in the desert was at an all time high) After ignoring the multiple warnings from heather on the dangers of '(mountain) dew mouth',  I decided to purchase a much needed mountain dew! After hours on the road and being passed my countless 18-wheelers it was 2am and we pulled into our luxurious accommodations of Days INN in Deming, New Mexico.

The above picture represents what heather deemed necessary for the night: an ENTIRE backpack. And to the right, my bare necessities: phone, wallet, toothbrush, keys, and mouth guard(yes, i am an aggressive sleeper). After thinking I saw some kind of alien life form lurking in the shadows of our room and being creeped out for an hour, I was finally asleep. Heather's alarm decided that it wanted to stay on central time so 5 am was our wake up call instead of the intended 6 am! All in all, I got a solid 2 1/2 hours of sleep. I've taken cat naps longer than that!

So after a belly full of instant oatmeal we were off! In desperate need of a starbucks, we searched and searched... we ended up waiting 150 miles before we actually found one that was convenient to stop at. By that time, we were in El Paso. Heather was so fascinated with that fact that she could actually see Mexico. Although she took that a little too far when about 2 hours later she said 'I can't believe that is Mexico' and I had to inform her that indeed that was just part of Texas with run down housing. So mile after mile we went. Looking for gas once again. Van Horn, Tx.. we had to go to 3 different gas stations to actually find gas. Although there seemed to be a shortage of gasoline in that town, there was certainly not a shortage of meth judging by all the meth mouth that we saw.

I was so thankful to have heather along side of for the journey. Not only for her fun times in company, but also for the fact that driving that alone would have been a terrible experience.. yes my dad was right when he very strongly encouraged me have a co-pilot. Heather ended up driving most of the 2nd day. In fact, she waited till she had almost drove half way exactly to inform me that there was a competition going for who drives the longest. Needless to say I told her to pull over and let me drive. She refused and all that I can say is that the competitive side got the best of me... We had to pull over because I desperately needed to use the restroom and we also needed gas. I felt this was it. My only chance to come back and win the improtu compeition. The score was heather 9.5 hours of driving and me at 6.5 hours of driving. There was about 3 hours of drive time left. I knew I had a chance! We went into the store and I knew I needed to get the keys. Heather saw me looking at them and I had given away my end game.DAMN! Heather quickly grabbed them and held them with a deaths grip closer to her.. I knew this would be difficult. I had made my finally attempt at getting them as we walked back to the car. I leaned in for them and was denied. It was a terrible, desperate attempt and she grabbed them and laughed at me. I felt all hope was long... until I remembered something. A card that I had yet to play. Heather and I had wanted to get lotto tickets before the end of the trip because you never know! We had failed to get them at the previous stops and this was our final chance to get them before the end of the trip. I asked her to go get some knowing full well what I was going to do. She took the keys and went inside. I then moved at a speed I was not aware that I could travel. I searched for and found my HIDE-A-KEY!! I unlocked the door and had the truck started before heather could get back! She got back in the car and gave me quite a look. Then we both laughed for about 10 mins. We are both ridiculously competitive. To be fair, in the end heather beat me by 15mins!! ahhggg the pains of defeat. After 24 hours from starting the trip, we drove 20 hours of that and I was finally back HOME!!

 This is heather and I pretending to dip with turkey jerky... yea... we had been on the road about 7 hours at this point....

THE END

Going Home

It seems everyone has their own special journey in life. No one is on the same path. You may be similar, but everyone has a unique path that they have traveled and will continue to travel. I think that individuality it what makes the journey so exciting and at times, so scary. It was about 9 months ago that I first decided that moving to Arizona was the right choice for me. I was at a crossroads with my throwing. The devastation with how the 2008 season ended left me so empty. I felt that I had everything I needed and was exactly where I needed to be a month before the trials. One day as I was throwing, I subluxed my left shoulder. I'm still not sure how that is even possible, but it happened and I had to take a week off. I resumed training and things were again looking so good that it seemed I would really have to have a terrible day to not make the team. I don't' say that in some ego driven delirium, but in the fact I had thrown 60 in practice and usually added at least half a meter in meets. Exactly one week from the day I would throw at the trails I was walking down stairs outside and there was a rock I didn't' see. Needless to say I caught my foot on it and really hurt my left foot. I displaced a bone and torn some stuff in there.  Walking was hard and there was pain with every step. I convinced myself that I was ok and could still do it anyway. In fact, I didn't go to a doctor or want anyone to x-ray it because I did not want to hear that anything was wrong.. even though it was pretttyyyy obvious. They taped my foot so much for the trials that it was basically a soft cast. I gave every, single thing I had in that meet and it wasn't enough. I still  remember sitting on a bench after my final throw.  A feeling like someone had punched me in the stomach sank deeper and deeper. Although I wanted to cry my eyes out, I was too frozen to do so. I was so completely disappointed in myself and couldn't quite believe that what had happen was real. I felt so worthless. The feeling took me much longer than I originally thought to completely shake myself free of. It followed me throughout the 2009 season. Even thought I had physically healed, mentally I was in no man's land. I realized that I needed to make a choice. I could be done with throwing and regret being so close to a dream without ever having it realized or I could move 1000 miles away and take a chance.

A chance I did take! I was right. Arizona was exactly what I needed. I was able to get away from the funk and doubt in my head. I was able to remember why I love training and throwing so much. The new environment slowly, but surely brought me back to the place inside where I truly believe in myself. The addition of being able to train with Loree Smith really took my self belief to a new level. She has an incredible drive. Such a competitive and eager to learn spirit. It is hard not to catch that same mentality and go with it. The way we challenged each other so much everyday. It was such a good thing for me. In the past, I was too afraid to constantly challenge people because I was afraid of failing. So I held back and that hesitation fostered a great deal of self doubt. Something in my head always told me that I was never born with enough talent to be at the top in the world. Something always told me I wasn't good enough. Something inside always held me back in terms of what I am ultimately capable of. Training with her and being able to get to know her and her drive changed that. It really did change me. Although she has been born with such incredible physical abilities and is the most talented female athlete I have ever seen, she ultimately taught me that I do have talent and I was born with what it takes to rise to the top. What I lack in height, I can make up for in power and speed. After all, it is only a 4kg ball(8.8lbs) that I throw. Anything else I lack I can make up for in pure determination and superior, efficient training. For the first time in my life, my expectations and possibilities for myself are not restrained. I not only want to make Olympic teams, I want to bring back shiny things from them! I am aiming for the top because if others can do it so will I... but better of course!

Last Thursday, I felt something strike a chord inside of me. It was a very powerful and clear moment. Although I'm not sure many will understand or appreciate it, I decided that things were not quite working out for me in Arizona anymore. I needed to go home and continue my training with James Parman. I talked with many people before taking any action my friends, family, and of course training partner, Loree. They all supported me and told me that I needed to do what was best for me and what was going to make me happy. I knew that what I was feeling was right. I then talked to John. He was very understanding of everything and supported my decision. Financially, it will cost be the same if I would have stayed till the end of the year or go home now due to the contract I signed with him. I booked a flight for one of my best friends to come out and drive back with me. She flew in Monday night. I picked her up from the airport and we hit the road. We drove into Deming, New Mexico about 2 am. Slept and got up at 6 am for the final day. When we finally made it we calculated that in the past 24 hours we had driven for 20! Of course we were both proud!
 
So I am back home in Austin, Texas. Although I will miss training in Arizona and miss my training partner Loree, I am very excited about training back home and incorporated all the good things I learned into my training. I will start it up again on Monday and keep you all updated! Because I know you are all dying to know every detail and status about my life!

It has been a long and incredibly enlightening journey so far and I'm sure will only get more interesting with time! I thank you all so much for the support. The belief that you show me by even reading this and being interested in my throwing has kept me going when throwing seemed so dim. So I thank each and everyone of you and I look forward to this new chapter with lots of FAR THROWS!

He's a casonova......to other dudes!

The names in the following story have been edited to protect the innocent....

I experienced quite a phenomenon last night. It was "throwers night out" so Loree, Mikas, and MP all dolled up for a night on the town. Loree and I showed up about 10pm to pick up the boys. Mikas opens the door wearing a t shirt and b-ball shorts. MP is laying on the couch playing on his computer...not ok. We had already stressed the importance of them being ready when we got there so we could get going. They were dragging their feet so much leading up to us going over there that when they opened the door NOT even close to ready.. the doubts that they would actually be going out soon began to grow. As Loree and I entered, we noticed a bottle of vodka on the counter.. clearly someone had been having some drinks. It was soon evident that it was Mikas who had been hitting the booze. He ran to his room and got ready in a world record time. We then sat around convincing MP that he needed to go get ready and experience an American night on the town. We sat around and watched as MP and Mikas started to have some drinks. The boys NEVER drink so the alcohol quickly ran its course and they actually began being fun ;o) One side note, while we were there MP was so hospitable. He offered Loree and I his chicken salad and juice. Apparently this is how they roll in his culture. It was a sweet and appreciated gesture and yes when you offer food to both Loree and I you can guarantee that food will be eaten!

"Man Love"

So we all pile into Mikas' 1997, power saturated,  Toyota Avalon and headed to Devil's Martini. Immediately upon entering the club Mikas was asked if he was a professional athlete. He said 'discus' awkwardly as he passed the guy which seemed to more confuse the man rather than answer any sort of question. We got our first drinks and began to observe the scene. MP at this time was really starting to feel the effects of the alcohol and grabbed Loree to head to the dance floor. Mikas and I knew this was going to be interesting so we grabbed a chair to watch a 6'6, 300lb Indian try his take on hip hop music for the first time. There was lots of pointer finger dancing! Loree and I both began to notice the effect that Mikas and MP had on the males at the club. I'm not sure if it they were being bombarded by man crushes or true love, but in the span of about 1 hour and a half there were 5 diferent guys who came up to both Mikas and MP to show their "love". There was lots of arm grabbing to feel the guns, tons of comments about how MP could make millions in the NFL even though I'm pretty sure he doesn't really know the rules of the game, and there was even a very odd moment when MP REALLY begin to feel the effects of the alcohol and he was dancing alone on the dance floor. One guy kinda just stood there watching him and soon moved in and began dancing with MP. Yes huge indian dude and some random Scottsdale local grooving on the dance floor. To be fair, MP was in his own world completely oblivous to the guy and there was about 3 feet that separated them, but the thoughts that were running through in the other guys head.. I do not trust! Loree and I watched in both horror and astonishment at the unbelievable love factor that everyone had for the boys! I suppose you live and learn.. and then you see things like I did.....